Till We Meet Again, Yuki.

How are you up there, Yuki? I bet you're running like a whirlwind in God's garden, aren't you? Or perhaps you are flying? Did God finally give you wings, which I think you wished back when you were still a puppy? Did you make any friends there already? I really hope so...

I miss you (so much), you know. *wipes tears*

Yesterday, when I visited you in the vet's clinic, I was so sad. Seeing you in that condition really broke (still breaks) my heart. When you barked at me, what were you trying to say? Were you asking me to take you home? Were you yelling that you missed me? Or were you saying goodbye? I wish I know... :'c You must've exerted too much effort to communicate with me. :'c

When you were reaching for me with your weak paws, I really really wanted to cry right there. But instead, I cuddled you because I know, I just know, that's what you want, right? You snuggled your nose in my armpit like you always do when I'm holding you. I let you sleep for awhile because you looked really tired. I'm sorry if I asked you to fight. I'm sorry if I was so selfish for wanting you to stay. I'm sorry if I left you in the vet's clinic for another night. I was desperately hoping, wishing, praying,  for you to get well. I didn't want to let you go...

Last night, I prayed to God for your recovery until I fell asleep. When I woke up this morning, that's what I was still praying for. But, the inevitable came...

I received a text message from the vet that you already flew to heaven. She told me that around 5am, you had difficulty in breathing and you were crying. Were you calling for me, Yuki? :'c I wish I was there. That's what I regret the most---not being there when you left. :'c

Since the day you got confined, I became scared of reading text messages that are sent to my phone... I was so scared that I might receive a very bad news. I didn't know what to do when I read the message. I felt like crying but no tears fell from my eyes. I didn't want to believe it, you know...

When I told mom about what happened, that's when the tears came out. I sobbed. Endlessly.

I really understand why you left Yuki. I am not angry. But I am sad. No. I am miserable. When you were brought home by my brother, I could not move. You were in a box, sealed. I know I had to look one last time, so, I apologize if I opened the box just to see you. Feel you. Smell you. It seemed like you were just peacefully sleeping there...

Kuya made you a nice sleeping place in our garden. That's where your earthly body is now. You know how much mom love that garden. I guess you'll never run out of flowers, ey?

Do you like what I did here, Yuki?

All day, I've been wiping my tears. Who would greet me now when I come home from work? Who would bark at the lizards, mosquitoes, spiders or whatever's on the wall now that you're already in heaven? Who would wake me up in the morning when it's late and I'm still asleep? Sino na kasabay ko kumain pag walang tao sa bahay? Sino na ipaghahanda ko ng pagkain sa umaga kahit male-late na ko sa work?  :'c These questions are all too painful to answer.

I know you are happy now, Yuki... I wanted to let go of this selfishness I feel. You are now in a better place. You will continue looking out for me, won't you? You will still be my protector. God and you. Tell Him that I will soon be okay with His decision to take you away. He has reasons, I know. I just need time, a lot of it I think, to get over this sadness. I think He's teaching me to be stronger... He knows better than I do after all.

Tomorrow, and for a million, ten million, billion other tomorrows that may come (if I'm still alive), I'll keep you in my heart, Yuki---my superdog.

Till we meet again...

P.S. Don't chew on God's furniture, okay? And, remember, I LOVE YOU. No one can take it.

Yuki and Me

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